Techo-love: can I find what I'm looking for using technology?

“If there’s anything you want, if there’s anything need, just call on me and I’ll send it along, with love from me to you…” So, who do I call?

As I drive to work every morning, I’ve noticed plenty of advertisements for ‘up-market’ matchmaking services. What exactly that entails, I’m not sure but I have to admit that every time I’m stuck in traffic and stare up at one of those, I wonder. Is it really possible to meet someone (not even necessarily Mr Right) half-decent, quasi-intelligent and pseudo-handsome through a matchmaking service? How do I know that I’m not going to be spending my hard-earned money just for some geeky 16-year old teenager with a computer to set me up with my dream nightmare?

I’m beginning to give technology as a dating tool some serious consideration. I don’t think I could do Twitter or text dating. Sms-bundles or not, my thumbs are not well-developed enough to maintain a conversation which consists of 140 characters or fewer a line. Then, of course, there is the Internet – a definite consideration seeing as two of my close friends met their husbands through online dating. The one is as happy as a pig in Palestine. The other, however, married a conman who stole all her money and she’s now struggling through a divorce. At least with a concrete dating agency, someone is (should be?) checking that a client’s photo matches his actual appearance and that he really is a billionaire lawyer/yachtsmen/tenderpreneur…

So, homework this week – will do a mini-poll to decided whether I'll join an ‘elite’, ‘VIP’ matchmaking service. My salary barely covers rent and petrol, so I’m not hopeful about joining the ranks of the successful. “Perfect Partners” will set me up on ‘no obligation’ coffee dates but only tells me they accept all major credit cards – is this per introduction? “MatchVIP” says they’ll meet me for a pre-membership interview, and should I decide to join it will cost me R2400 once-off for a minimum of 6 introductions over 6 months. If, “in the unlikely event”, that I haven’t found a partner in this time, my contract will be extended for another 6 months.

Another technology, e-mail has delivered something, however. One e-mail message to be precise. Though at this very moment, Conservative Carrie has only five followers, I did receive an indecent proposal from ‘N’ saying he’s keen if I am. Keen for what I wonder? Well, it seems ‘N’ has kindly offered his services in helping me with my experiment. The only other piece of information he offers about himself besides the initial, is that he’s a guy. And then a challenge – do I think I am brave enough to follow through with it? Well, ‘N’, I don’t know. I’m just starting out and seeing where this leads me. You never know, maybe I'll call on you sometime. In the meantime, my flirtation with the sexy colleague is heating up...

PS - Incidentally, a dating site left a comment on my previous post. See http://www.joburgdating.com/

To flirt or not to flirt?

Mmmm … So I’ve started … no, correction. Someone else at work has started a little flirtation with me. From the moment we met, he’s been ‘batting his eyelids’ – that is, the guy version: flattery. And I am totally flattered. He’s just so good at it – a real smooth talker, Mr Charming himself. Whether he’s Prince Charming, however, is doubtful.

I’m not really looking to settle down into a serious relationship right now. Having my heart shattered by the man I thought I’d marry just over a year ago has left me little jaded. But I do feel ready to get out ‘there’ again and at least experience life to the fullest – and surely that includes dating even if it’s not with the intention of having a relationship? Is it wrong to date someone even if you know that it’s going absolutely nowhere? Well, no. Not to sound too heartless or business-like, if both parties are aware of the ‘terms of the agreement’, and there is consensus, I don’t believe there is any reason not to make that connection with someone, albeit a temporary one.

Perhaps I should be looking for a fling outside of my work environment. It’s probably advisable. However, the reason this particular guy is so irresistible is that he has all the qualities I’m looking for in a guy right now – good-looking, fun and really smart. The last one is paramount. I’ve said no to at least three guys in the last two months, not because they were dumb, but they were ignorant. If you want to debate with someone, at least get your facts straight: racist, judgemental and politically-unaware guys need not bother to ask if they can buy me a drink.

So I work with him – not closely, but still, does that mean I should say no next time he asks me for dinner? So far I’ve artfully dodged committing to a date (if that’s even what he means by dinner). He’s a co-worker, which means that should things go sour the work environment might be a little tense. And since I’ve been down that road before, I should know better. The last time I went out with a co-worker I fell in love with him, while he just wanted to get into my pants.

And yet … and but (see!) … Again, I find myself excited to go to the office, thinking about what I should wear, how much make-up to put on, which perfume to spray. And it feels good. I know it’s probably not smart but he is incredibly sexy and what’s wrong with a little harmless fling, if it even comes to that? As my muse herself says, “Maybe mistakes are what make our fate ... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go.” Should I be Careless Carrie rather than careful? I think, I might take him up on dinner - after all, he could be my Mr Big...

The journey begins...

Could a girl from a conservative, Christian family in South Africa write about sex in the city with complete honesty? Because let’s be frank, we can say that things have changed. We have a liberal Constitution, gay marriage is now guaranteed while single fathers may now have custody of their children. Many couples choose to live together rather than get married and Cosmopolitan magazine always has at least one article about one-night stands. But face it, many girls, like me, are afraid to have sex outside of a loving relationship, for fear it might ‘taint’ them.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of sex. I love it. And outside of a relationship I’m more than happy to satisfy myself. But… after starting to watch Sex and the City from scratch, I’d like to experiment more. See what it’s like to have “sex like a man” as Carrie Bradshaw says in the pilot episode.

I want to know what it’s like to no longer be afraid of being branded a slut. Because, these days, even though no one might say it and many might not think it, lots of girls are afraid that if they have sex with too many guys, “the One” might reject them, consider them ‘too experienced’ if there is such as thing – tainted, branded with the Scarlet Letter ‘A’. And then they’ll be doomed to having one-night stands until their boobs sag and all the good-looking and sex-worthy men are married. I’ve had many conversations with guys who have no problem screwing around, but want to marry a virgin. Do I hear you say hypocrisy?

And then, there is the fact that the only one-nighter I have had was god-awful. The sex was boring. Probably because the guy came before we even came close to actual intercourse and I had to wait until he could recharge, then spent the rest of the time praying it would just be over and I could get out. See, I’ve always figured sex with someone you love and trust is better – once you know someone you can tell them exactly what you want. And it’s fun to please your significant other. With a stranger it’s duty – you’re just waiting your turn to get what you want. But maybe you can’t generalize from one experience. I just don’t want to waste my time.

Then there is the problem of how do I actually pull it off? If I’m going to do this, if I’m going to try and emulate Carrie Bradshaw, where do I start? I need to have some decent looking and very willing men. Because if I have to embark on this journey, they have to be at least quasi-attractive. And how do I know they’ll be good at sex? Where do you go? I don’t want to go off with a stranger to just anywhere in a world like this? What if I get attacked? If you get to know someone first though, it defeats the whole point doesn’t it? Or does it still count?

The real question is; will I get to the point in this little diary/experiment where I’m comfortable enough to write under my own name?